mercoledì 2 maggio 2007

Munnezza

116.
E' il numero esatto di messaggi indesiderati - giusto per non scrivere spam - che hanno preso d'assalto la mia casella di posta dal primo pomeriggio del passato venerdì. Fa sempre piacere scoprire una vagonata di persone desiderose di comunicare e interagire con il titolare della Festicciola.
Ma cos'avranno poi da chiedermi costoro?

1. Una buona parte (di lingua anglosassone) vuole informarmi con più o meno tatto, delle dimensioni dell'amico tra le gambe, come se io e il mio prode alleato non condividessimo tutte le gioie da quasi ventinove anni:

- Tal Irene Givens consiglia di usare lo stesso prodotto utilizzato da Ron Geremy (pornostar conosciuta, oltre che per gli ovvi motivi, per la capacità di poter venire a comando).
- Sia Yvette Trotter che Penelope McGill mi esortano a non vergognarmi della mia - anzi sua - misura.
- Gladys Mitchell, Joann Duvall e Gretchen Cline sostengono di conoscere il modo per allungarlo: la prima del 20%, la seconda di alcuni "pollici", la terza in sole tre settimane. Ma almeno nel titolo, nessuna delle mittenti specifica come riuscire eventualmente nell'impresa.
- Una tipa dal nome piuttusto indicativo, Elba Cullen, sostiene di conoscere il Signor Grande. Non è dato sapere in che tipo di rapporti siano.

2. I falsi timidi

- Un certo Laptop mi si offre come mamma l'ha fatto: un Laptop gratis per Cirello!
- Tom Scott e Roy optano per una più che decorosa missiva senza titolo.
- Cftgrd mi fa le congratulazioni.
- Lime vuole regalarmi una Lemon soda.
- Vanessa mi dice ciao.

3. I filantropi

- Mandy Lehman e Kaye Jacobsen donano 500 dollari, il primo da spendere in miglia aeree, il secondo sottoforma di una più comoda carta di credito prepagata. Fuori concorso Randy Garcia con un'offerta di addirittura 1000 dollari. In quest'ultimo caso sento puzza di fregatura.
- Cristina Sorensen vuole insegnarmi come guadagnare 5 o 10 sterline (a monte di un investimento di 15 sterline) ogni mese, mentre Christopher Sanders riuscirà a farmi intascare dai 100 ai 750 dollari AL GIORNO semplicemente usando Google.
- Ross Gilbert smercia portafogli Luis Vitton a prezzi a dir poco concorrenziali.

Scappo, devo assolutamente scoprire cosa vuole da me questa Michelina Barrett, a quanto pare ci conosciamo. Chissà, forse avevo semplicemente bevuto troppo la sera del nostro incontro.

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